Plant A Face in a...?

So today was going well. I got up with the kid at 7:00, which lately has been "sleeping in". We watched a little Elmo, drank some milk. I even exercised with Denise "burning butter" Austin while Charlie laughed at me and tried to copy my dorky moves. Good nap, good mood after nap - no problems with work.

And then. I get up from the couch (a.k.a. my "workstation"), step down on my left foot, and feel the worst pain I've ever felt.

And I had Mr. Charlie Big Head, remember. My epidural popped out of my spine in the middle of labor. I pushed for over three hours before the doctors determined there was no way that kid was coming out "naturally".

This pain was worse. White blinding pain, as if I had two root canals without Novocaine.

Something was wrong with my foot.

Charlie didn't understand these strange noises coming from his usually demure and quiet mother. Jase of course thought I was exaggerating as usual (damn that wolf-calling kid) and laughed at me. The only one in my household concerned for my well-being was my dog Boo.

Then he turned around and walked out of the room, to find, no doubt, a warm spot in the sun.

Et tu, Boo Boo?

So I can't get no satisfaction. Or Respect, for that matter. So I did what any grown-up would do.

I called my mommy.

"Oh yeeeeaaaaahhh. That's something. A planters something."

"A plantar wart?" I screech, hoping this pain is not caused by something as mundane as a wart.

"Noooooo. Not a wart. Plantar Facia. A woman I work with had it. It's horrible. She's had it for months."

A quick google and I have it. "Plantar Fasciitis?"

"That's IT!" My mom is ecstatic. Like we got final Jeopardy. Meanwhile, my foot's begging to be amputated.

I read the symptoms. "...most common symptom of plantar fasciitis is heel pain when taking the first steps after getting out of bed or after sitting for a long time - YEP! Weak, swollen and irritated, and hurts when you stand or walk. YES!!! Less stiffness and pain after taking a few steps, but they often get worse as the day progresses. Uhhhh. About 8 in 10 people recover completely within a year. WHAT?"

"Oh yeah, Amy. This can last forever. My friend at work has had it for months."

"What you need," she said, "is a good pair of sneakers."

"But what about my Uggs?" I've been wearing them for years - way after they went out of style and I don't care because I love them.

"That's probably what caused it."

So, my mom knew what it was and she convinced me that I would not have to amputate. I limped up the stairs and took a bath in my big fat tub while Charlie alternated throwing toys in the water with me and trying to catch the bubbles from my bubble bath. Hey - just because I'm in pain doesn't mean I can't luxuriate.

So I call my mom-in-law and tell her that her son is in the doghouse because he laughed at me while I was in severe pain. I started to tell her about the pain in my foot when she interrupted me.

"Plantar Fasciitis! I had it. Hurts like hell. And there's nothing you can do about it. Mine lasted two years."

Crap.

"Wear a shoe with a little heal. It helps some."

Okay so I need sneakers with a little heal. Got it.

So I turn on the television to take my mind off the blinding pain in my foot, and a commercial comes on for, I kid you not, the Good Foot company. They make inserts for people who suffer from...

Yep - Plantar Fasciitis.

I cannot believe I've lived my entire life without knowing about this phenomenon.

So later, my boss gets online and I tell her.

"Oh Amy. I had it - twice!!!" she messages me. "You need to get orthopedics."

What the hell is going on here? Before today, I swear to you, I had no idea about any of this. Apparently, though, y'all have either had it or knows someone who has.

So I'm off to hobble upstairs once again. I'm convinced this is a direct cause of picking up my load of a son while wearing my Uggs. I just got another pair this past weekend! Slippers. Ah well.

This weekend, I'll be shopping for some orthopedics inserts to go into my sneaker pumps.

Wish me luck.